What's Sex?
by Pixie07
Summary: "How can I put something so big in a place so small?" Six year old Sasuke ask his family 'What is Sex' Will he find out? Who will be the one to deliver that information. Inspired by a joke. Sasuke, Itachi, Fugaku, Mikoto Uchiha. pre/non-massacre Complete. Revised and edited, beta een nihc
1. Chapter 1

_**CH 1.**_

It was a nice and beautiful summer afternoon at the Uchiha Mansion, when Itachi, for once in his life was acting according to his age. Giving in to the laziness that the hot sun outside induced, the eleven-year-old was laying down flat on his stomach, his chin was resting on his folded arms on top of a pillow. He was enjoying reading an article about kunai in his favourite Ninja Magazine. Not far from him, just a few inches away, were a plate of three dango stick (originally six) and a half cup of tea.

It had been about ten minutes since he felt the piercing eyes at the back of his head. 'Ignore it and will go away.' He thought but who he was trying to lie to? He knew that 'it' wouldn't go away. Letting out an exasperating sigh, the raven haired boy spoke, "You can join me, if that's what you wish."

Before he even finished talking, he heard soft steps approaching him hurriedly. Another sigh escaped from the pre-teen's mouth. A moment later, Sasuke sat down in front of his elder brother and asked hesitantly, "Are you busy, Nii-san?"

"No, not really."

"What are you reading?"

"An article about kunai."

"Oh... is it something important?"

'There goes my peaceful afternoon.' Itachi thought grudgingly before closing the magazine. His Otouto was asking too much questions, although it wasn't an unusual thing for a six year old like him. However the Uchihas had never been normal kids. If an Uchiha child was asking irrelevant questions and his eyes were darting around as if hiding something, it meant that he didn't know how to say it.

"Sasuke."

The boy looked up to meet his elder brother's gaze at the mention of his name.

"You know that you can tell me anything, right?"

Sasuke looked away and asked, "What about questions? Can I ask you anything too?"

"Of course."

"And you will answer me?"

"Yes." Itachi answered his brother half-heartedly as he reached for his fourth serving of dango.

The younger brother was troubled. _What will Nii-san think of me? Will he think that I'm just a little kid who knows nothing?_ He would feel embarrassed if Itachi did.

"You won't think bad about me, right?"

Itachi shook his head as he took a bite of his snack.

Sasuke took a few deep breaths before asking the question that he wanted to ask, "What is sex?"

_**Loading.**_

Itachi's jaw almost dropped to the floor, his mouth was opening so wide that the round treat that he was eating went rolling off to the other side of the living room unnoticed. Itachi was a person of few words, but it was voluntary. But now he was simply speechless.

_**Processing.**_

The future Uchiha leader managed to close his mouth at last. Where the hell did his innocent and sweet brother heard that word? Who was the one responsible corrupting his young mind with such grown up matter? For Sharingan sake, he himself was not comfortable with the subject, no matter how mature he was. This topic was, was... Itachi shivered at the thought of it. He wished he had never asked his older cousin, Shisui, 'where do babies come from' last year. He was not looking forward to have the talk with his father, as Shisue told him that there were much more details that he would rather not tell.

At least his question was more innocent than this. Just the term 'sex' gave him the creeps, why would a woman let a man... a chill ran down to his spine.

_**Responding...**_

"Nii-san?"

Itachi was brought back to reality by his younger brother's voice. He didn't have the guts to tell him the awful, awkward and absolutely nasty truth. "Oh... look at the time." he said as he rose to his feet.

"Wait, where're you going, Nii-san? You didn't answer my question." Sasuke trailed after his brother who was running away from him.

"I... I think I promised Shisui to help him with something." The older brother lied as he rushed towards the front door.

"You're lying! You said you'd be free today." Sasuke wouldn't buy the excuse at all. He was mad now.

"I just remember."

"But Nii-san, you told me you will answer my question." Sasuke almost cried when he watched Itachi putting on his shoes.

"Not this time, Otouto."

'Neither next time', Itachi added silently. Not even bothered to poke his younger brother's forehead as he usually did, Itachi was out of the door.

A soldier who flees would serve in another war.

"Nii-saaaan!" Sasuke cried out, but it fell to empty ears.

TBC...

* * *

_**A/N: Hello, this was supost to be a one-shot I'm not happy with the end, and I am lacking of imagination for the closing scene, So i'm diviedint it in 3 chaps. I hope you like it and let me know what you think.**_

_**P.S: English is not my first language, so I apologies for grammar and spelling mistakes.**_

_**Edit 4/24/15 This chapter was beted by een nihc, thank you:)**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Ch 2**_

Feeling betrayed, Sasuke went back to the living room and kicked the abandoned pillow and... Oops, by 'accident', the cold tea spilled all over his beloved Nii-san's magazine and the half-eaten dango ended up smashed within its pages.

Satisfied with his vengeance, Sasuke walked to the kitchen and sat on one of the tall chairs, still mumbling, "Stupid liar, Nii-san."

Meanwhile the beautiful Uchiha housewife was humming a sweet song as she walked down the stairs with a full bin of dirty clothing that belonged to her boys in her hands. The harmonic tune was interrupted when she reached the ground floor and saw what seemed to be the aftermath of a brotherly fight. She sighed in resignation, went to the laundry room to leave the basket of dirty laundry and walked back to the living room to clean up the mess.

Several minutes later, Mikoto walked into the kitchen with the empty cup and dish in one hand and the assaulted Ninja Issue in the other. What happened to it and who did it was beyond obvious. The scowling face of her youngest son was the only confirmation of her suspicion she needed. But still, she asked gently, "Do you know what happened to your brother's magazine?"

He just shrugged.

"Did you two have a fight?"

Another shrug.

The Uchiha woman sighed and put down the magazine on the table before she went to the sink to wash the dirty dish and mug. On her way back to the table she grabbed a rag. Then she sat directly opposite to her youngest son across the table and did her best in an attempt to salvage the magazine.

When Mikoto noticed that Sasuke remained silent and frowning in annoyance, her motherly intuition told her that it wasn't just a silly dispute between the brothers.

"Is there something bothering you, Sasuke? You know, if there is anything that bothers you, you should tell me, so that I can help."

Sasuke shook his head.

What would mother think of him, for not knowing what seems like everyone knew? What if he was left alone again? What if she acted like his Nii-san? He just couldn't take a second betrayal.

"Sasuke, come on, sweetie. You can tell me anything." Mikoto pleaded.

"If I ask you something, you'll answer it?"

"Of course I will."

"Anything?"

"Yes, anything."

Putting all his trust again onto someone, he took a few deep breaths and asked the question that even made his brave brother trembled.

"What is sex?"

_**Loading.**_

Mikoto's onyx eyes widened considerably, like a deer that was suddenly caught in bright headlight in the middle of the night. Her body tensed and went rigid instantly, not even Medusa would be able to pull such a feat with just a simple question. Mikoto was a woman anyone could talk to about everything and she always knew how to give the right push most of the time... But this, this completely took her by surprise, and a big one at it.

_**Processing.**_

Who the hell corrupted her sweet and innocent baby? Who the hell had the balls to inject such topic to his pure brain? Oh, no, that person better have a good insurance policy, because when she found them, blood will run. No one, no one talk to her baby about that and get away with it.

Wait... how was she going to explain it the process of life, lust, and love to a mere six years old boy? How could she scar the poor boy, who didn't know what he walked in? She could still remember the awkward moment when her mother entered her room with a banana and doughnut on hand. Shivers ran throughout her body.

_**Responding...**_

"Mommy? Not you too." Sasuke pouted in disappointment.

So that's the reason why he's upset with Itachi. Poor child of mine.

"Moomieeee." Her youngest son called her again, this time he sounded very irritated.

Looking at the ruined magazine, she suddenly feared for her dearest plants. Especially when they suffered abuse once right after she scolded Sasuke. Coincidence? She didn't think so. But she didn't want to be the one who was responsible to open the door of such perverse knowledge to a young mind.

"Mommyyyy."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, sweetie. But I'm afraid that I'm not the one who's most suitable to answer this question."

Sasuke's chubby little cheeks puffed and reddened in annoyance.

"You said you would. Why is everyone lying to me?"

"I'm not lying. I'll tell you, but not now, ok?"

"Why not now?" Sasuke persisted.

"Erm, I... I..." Mikoto paused and thought hard for an excuse before continued, "...I have to go to the store."

"You went yesterday." Sasuke didn't buy it one bit.

Did they think he was still a three-year-old to believe their lies?

"Yes, but I forgot to buy... tomato, yeah I forgot to. Silly me." She faked a laugh.

"Liar." Sasuke said heatedly.

"I am not lying." Mikoto insisted. "Besides, I need to get another magazine for Itachi. I wonder what happened to it." She said with a stern face, warning Sasuke to drop the issue.

That made the child to cool down somewhat. Messing up with Itachi's thing was a big no, no for him. His mom was actually saving him from an unknown fate. Sasuke was smart enough to know how far he could stretch his tantrums. "Okay." He finally said in defeat.

Looking down at the guilty laden face of the child, Mikoto smiled inwardly for her victory. Then her precious son spoke once more, his voice a tad hopeful. "Are you going to tell me when you come back, then?"

Mikoto let out a sigh; it didn't surprise her that he wouldn't give up that easily. She knew how stubborn her child was. After all she gave birth to him. Thirteen hours of labor... the damn brat didn't want to get out. Yeah she knew. Just as she thought she was running out of ideas, she heard her husband coughing inside his studio. And that's when her trade mark Uchiha smirk appeared on her face.

Sasuke looked at his mother with suspicion when she walked towards him and beckoned him to follow her. Was that another trick she was planning for him to fall for? Just one way to find out. Sasuke thought and followed his mother without another question.

Mikoto stopped by her husband's room and kneeled down to meet her son's eyes. "Sasuke, your father is the most suitable person to explain it. While I'm at the store, you should ask him."

Her son raised an eyebrow in disbelief. In which, Mikoto quickly responded reassuringly, "He is an expert in that subject. I can guarantee you that much. Now go."

She gave her son a little push towards the door.

"And don't take no for an answer. Oh, please tell him that I said 'We're even now'." Without any further elaboration of what she meant by that, she kissed her son good-bye. Then she was off to the store, leaving a very confounded Sasuke behind.

Well, it did the trick. He fell for it.

_**TBC...**_

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_**A/N: Hi, thank you so much for the favs. follows and reviews. This chapter is not my favourite, I change a few things from the previous chapter, this chapter is better but I'm still not very happy about how it turned out. Next chapter would be the last. I still need to make a lot of changes in next chapter.**_

_**Please R&amp;R thank you...**_

_**Edit 4/28/15: Thank you so much een nihc for take out of your time to review and make this story better thank you :)**_


	3. Chapter 3

**_CH 3_**

Sasuke knocked on the door hesitantly. He wasn't completely sure if asking his father was a good idea like his mother suggested. Having his father's acknowledgement was one of the things he desired most. And he was afraid that his father would see this as a sign of weakness. It was too late to regret now.

"You may come in."

Fugaku didn't bother to look up from the pile of paperwork on his desk as Sasuke entered. It was supposed to be his day off and he should enjoy the afternoon, almost evening now, with his family instead of occupying himself with work. But the leader of the Uchiha clan and the chief of the Military Police simply had too much work on his hands and procrastinate his paperwork was not an option.

When the door opened, Fugaku was expecting it to be his wife, walking in with a cup of hot tea. Instead, his youngest son entered and bowed before him respectfully.

"What is it, Sasuke?" Fugaku asked without taking his eyes away from the files in front of him.

"Father, I would like to ask you a question, if that is okay with you." Sasuke asked courteously.

"Go ahead." Fugaku's eyes still glued to the document that he was about to sign.

"Do you swear on Uchiha's pride that you will answer?"

Fugaku raised an eyebrow upon hearing his son's bold question. But he figured the quickest way he could get on with his work was to entertain whatever question his son had for him and got it over with.

"Yes, Sasuke, I swear. Now ask, as you can see, I have work to do." Fugaku replied impatiently.

This time Sasuke didn't hesitate and asked directly, "What is sex?"

_**Loading.**_

The hand that was holding his pen went numb all of a sudden which caused an awful scribble on the document. His usual stern expression melted into a surprised one. Fugaku was a man who would speak his mind without thinking twice, not caring if his words would hurt others, not even his children were spared from his hurtful words. But this was a kunai that he was not ready to be thrown at yet.

_**Processing.**_

WHAT!? How? When? Where? WHO!?

The older man's mind was running hundred miles per hour. He wasn't really grasping the idea of the question. Why would his six-year-old son ask such a mature question? Why didn't he ask 'where do babies come from'? That question would be tackled in another direction, like 'dads put seeds in mom's tummy.' and then proceed from there. But no! The kid just said it raw without any anesthetic.

For crying out loud he didn't even had the 'talk' with Itachi yet. When his nephew informed him that Itachi asked him about 'babies' and he gave the boy an honest answer, Fugaku was happy and relieved to know that he didn't have to go through that awkward chat with his eldest son. He was going to wait until Itachi hit his teenage years to cover what Shisui had deliberately left out. And he sincerely hoped that Sasuke would go to his Nii-san first and save him from this.

Where did Sasuke learn the word 'sex'? Who was the one who poisoned his baby boy's mind (yes, Sasuke was his baby boy even though he would never say it out loud). How dare anyone take away his youngest son's innocence without his permission? Fugaku felt as if he was having a heart attack.

_**Responding...**_

"Father, you're going to tell me what sex is, right?"

"Ss.. .ke." He managed to utter with difficulty. "I... no, that's… a subject that would require a significant amount of time to unfold - which I don't have right now. As you can see, there's a lot of paperwork that I need to sort out."

"You swore..."

"..."

"...on Uchiha's pride." The child narrowed his eyes.

"Sasuke, I'm working. Perhaps another time."

_**'When you turn twenty.'**_

"No, I've been asking this question all day. Nii-san lied to me. Then he made a lame excuse and left. Then when I asked mom, she lied and left too. 'Going to the store' she said. She told me to ask you and assured me that you will explain it to me better than she does, that you're an expert on the subject and that I shouldn't take no for an answer, so that's what I do." Sasuke blurted out his frustration. He had had enough with the lies. He would get his question answered this time. He needed to know - it was a crucial piece of information that he was missing.

But the young Uchiha's breath was hitched involuntarily after realizing he just raised his voice to his father. He had never disobeyed his father or acted disrespectfully in front of his father before.

So, he did ask Itachi about it. I guess there're things that a child cannot handle. I don't blame him. Fugaku thought and let out a sigh.

"Oh, mom told me to tell you that she said 'We're even now'. Whatever that means." Sasuke suddenly remembered.

Fugaku could feel his left eye twitching.

_'That's low, Mikoto, very low. Using our child to get to me for forgetting our anniversary.'_

The invincible Uchiha clan leader was utterly defeated this round.

Mikoto 1, Fugaku 0.

Fugaku eyed his child intently and chose his words carefully before he spoke to the boy. He didn't want to risk being called a liar by his son like the others.

"Very well, Sasuke. I must warn you. Once I tell you this, it is impossible to go back. After you learnt the truth, you will not be the same again. Are you sure you want to me to proceed?"

_'Please say no. Just say no.'_

"I am an Uchiha, I can handle anything." Sasuke declared proudly.

How bad could it be, anyway? He thought.

Fugaku put on his game face, folded his arms across his chest (to hide his shaking hands) and mentally organize the information he was about to feed the little boy in front of him who looked at him anxiously, desperate for an answer. How he wished to spare his son from this knowledge. He would give up anything for someone else to be in his shoes right now.

"When a woman and a man love each other so much, they..." Fugaku began slowly and reluctantly.

Then he explained to his baby boy how a kiss can lead to a hug and a hug to touching. Touching that lead the grown-ups to feel so 'warm' that they need it to remove all their clothes. He also explained how the female body is different from the male, what goes where and a bunch of other things that he had rather not repeat to a child ever again in his life. Not ever.

"That's also how babies are made. And that is something ONLY MARRIED ADULTS DO!" When Fugaku finally finished, he needed a couple of drinks to cool himself.

Sasuke's face turned red, then pale to green. He felt as if someone had just kicked his stomach, hard. All those information was too filthy for him to stomach. He dug his well trimmed nails into the chair's arm and his eyes widened in disbelief. Why in the world would the adults do something so 'yucky' and enjoy it? He felt like throwing up. Oh God, his father was right. Now he had to accept the consequences that he would never be the same after hearing this. He almost regretted that he asked, but then he remembered why he needed to know in the first place.

"H... How, how can I put something so big in a place so small?"

"Put what where? SASUKE, you don't put anything anywhere." The panicked and concerned father yelled as he got up to his feet and rushed to his boy's side.

"But father, if I don't, I won't be able to get into to the Academy!"

"WHAT?" Fugaku completely lost his composure when he deduced that his baby boy was being sexually harassed in exchange to be admitted into the Academy.

"Who told you that? Who, Sasuke? Who?" Fugaku asked as he shook his son for an answer.

Sasuke was even more confused when he saw his father's reaction. He had never seen his father this mad before. He wondered whether his father reacted the same way when Itachi entered the Academy.

"I think his name was Iruka-sensei."

Iruka Umino, he knew that bastard. He was right - no one could be that nice, especially when it came to teaching spoiled brats.

"What exactly did he say to you?"

The more he knew the more charges he could press against him. He was going to make sure that bastard rot in prison. Death sentence would be too easy for him. He wanted to torture that sick perverted bastard. He would make him suffer and he was already coming up with ideas. No one hurt or attempted to hurt his baby and got away with it.

"He told me that I need to fill up everything and go back to see him."

"Fill up what?"

"Let me show you." Sasuke led his father to his room. His father stomped on the wooden floor after him. Once he was inside his room, the six-year-old opened his drawer and took out a sheet of paper before handed it over to his father.

Fugaku stared at the paper and read.

**Ninja Academy Enrollment Basic Information Form**

**Name:** _Uchiha Sasuke_

**Age:** _Six_

**Date of birth:** _July 23, XXXX_

**Allergies:** _None_

**Weight:** _45 lb_

**Height:** _4'2"_

**Sex:** _(blank)_

**Parents Signature:** _(blank)_

"I wanted to surprise you and do everything by myself. I'm almost done."

"Sasuke, is this the reason why you ask that question?"

The veins on Fugaku's temple popped up and throbbed.

"Yes, father. How am I supposed to write down everything you told me in such a small space? And why would they want us to? If they are adults, shouldn't they know already? Considering that the Hokage was married." Sasuke answered innocently, blissfully unaware that his father was fuming like a volcano waiting to burst.

At this rate, Fugaku was torn between hanging himself and strangling his son. The only thing that stopped him was his fear of his wife's retribution. She could be very vengeful and creative in executing her revenge if she wanted to as evident earlier.

"Sasuke, the word 'sex' has another meaning. For this instance, it is asking you to state whether you are a male or female. You have to write down male since you are a boy. Besides, this form is not for kids to fill up. You should have come to me or your mother to do this. Were you planning on forging my signature as well?"

"No, father. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I won't do it again. I'm sorry." Sasuke said while looking down to his feet.

Suddenly, the older Uchiha didn't have the heart to blame the child. It was all a misunderstanding.

"It's okay, Sasuke," Fugaku pinched the bridge of his nose. A headache was coming up, he noted wryly.

"It's just that what I told you meant completely different from what this form is asking. What I told you is not something that a child like you should know. I wished you only know this in your early teens. "

"I'm sorry, I didn't know." Sasuke hung his head in shame.

"I know you didn't." Fugaku let out a long sigh.

Later when Mikoto came home and found out what happened; she couldn't help herself but laughed.

"It isn't funny!" Fugaku yelled. His face was red in anger and embarrassment.

"Then why am I laughing?" She giggled as she continued to stir the stew.

It had been a couple of hours since Sasuke got the answer that he longed to have. When Mikoto found him, Sasuke was napping. He felt sleepy after his father treated him a tomato snack.

The older man was thinking, _'Let's keep his mouth occupied, before he asks more questions.'_

"I am serious, Mikoto. He is just a child. He wasn't supposed to know that until later. Yet you used your son to get back on me because of something that happened months ago."

"Oh, come on. You have to tell him anyway. The sooner the better. At least he will be prepared when he get his first... you know, 'awakening'."

"Mikoto!" Fugaku yelled at his wife from the table.

Mikoto merely laughed even harder.

* * *

**_A/N: so there was the last chapter, I hope you enjoyed, and as I said in the summary, was inspired on a joke. I wasn't sure if write down the 'Talk', but I didn't feel very comfortable on writing about that (can read it, thinking it, but not writing it, no yet) , and not sure how would Fugaku explain that to a kid, I do not remember getting the talk at all, not who could gave it to me or if I get it at all._**

**_I will have this story be reviewed and edited by my beta, to fix up what I might be mistaken._**

**_Thank you for all the faves, follows views and reviews!_**

**_Edit 4/28/15: Thank you much to my beta een nihc for taking of you time to review and edit my story, you did a wonderful job._**


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